i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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