ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
