there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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