This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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