Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
