Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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