You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize