it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
