Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am available for nakedness
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
