In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
