I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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