Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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