he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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