we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize