Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ugly people sure do ruin things
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
