Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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