my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
