I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
