i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
