dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
