I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
