pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
