He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
