My room smells like vodka and shame
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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