And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
