idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
