My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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