playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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