Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
