If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
