Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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