I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
