i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
