saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
