no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
