We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
