hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
