She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
