Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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