woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
