im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize