She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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