so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
