i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize