I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
