Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
