I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
