I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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