So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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