My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
