You're completely useless in the revolution.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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