it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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