there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
