yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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