I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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