And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
