She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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