I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
