I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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