I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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