Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
