I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
