he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
