Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
