I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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