Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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