I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
