That's when you crack a 10am beer
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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