Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
