woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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