If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
